now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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