Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
