You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
foreskin is a definite game changer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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