the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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