so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
