Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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