Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
