ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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