I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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