You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
