If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
