I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
