my phone needs a breathalizer
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
