You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
