the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
either way he was missing a nipple.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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