hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
