that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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