I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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