Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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