oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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