yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
