We need to rekindle our bromance
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
