Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
