my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
