Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was born a porn star she said
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
