I CAN MOONWALK!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
