Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
