she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
