She said her name was "party"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
