Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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