I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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