No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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