im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
