Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
