Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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