After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
