I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
