you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
