Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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