My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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