After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I believe in your delicious
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
