and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
