They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
