Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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