and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
