My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
