i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
