I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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