Fuck appropriateness.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
