so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
