I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
