Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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