I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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