So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
