She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
