you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
