just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
