She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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