Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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