no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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