Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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