your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
