I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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