I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
