get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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